Turning in my man-card. (Episode 534)

It has been an awesome day so far. I stared at the ceiling. Ate random things..regretted it…then ate again. Watched TV. I looked at the clock and noticed it was noon. I was channel surfing and stumbled upon this:

LIGHT BULB! I could watch this right now. It’s my day off…and my wife does not want to see this at all.

Yes, I loved Pitch Perfect. I sang along to the songs…shed a few tears when the Bellas won at the end. I remember laughing at myself thinking, “Why am I crying? Why do I like this movie so much?” So, when I heard that they were making a sequel, I tried my hardest to contain my excitement. I mean, it’s normal for a man…in his mid-thirties to want to watch this right? So, I got out of my orange onesie and dressed up. But, as I was brushing my teeth, I started to think about what I was going to do.

“Good afternoon sir…how can I help you?”

“Hmm…yes. I want to see a movie. I have some time to kill so there is no particular reason why I’m here at your very first movie time. I just had time to kill.”

“Ok, what would you like to see?”

“Well, I really like action films…very manly action films with shooting and bad words…and explosions. Or maybe a movie about you know..other manly things like fixing cars. Or movies that have to do with lifting a lot of weights. Because I work out. I do. You probably can’t tell, but yes, I do work out…manly workouts.”

“Well, we don’t really have any movies about lifting weights…or fixing cars. But Mad Max: Fury Road is out. That’s an action film…probably lots of explosions and guns.

“Oh, really…well, yes, that does sound like my kind of film. But, is there any scenes with sand in it?”

“Yes, it’s in a desert. So, yes, lots of sand.”

“Gosh golly darn it, I am terrified of sand. Had a horrific accident with sand when I was young, building a sand castle…another kid walked by kicked my castle and a lot of sand went in my shorts..got sand stuck in weird areas…yeah. Really scared of sand. Anything else?”

“Avengers: Age of Ultron…that’s an action film.”

“Yes, thats another very manly film. Is Aquaman in it?”

“No…he is not in Avengers.”

“Darn it, I really think Aquaman is cool. He is like half-fish or something…and I’m a pisces. He’s in water. And I always like movies with water in it…Finding Nemo…The Little Mermaid…both very manly films. So, I feel we would have a connection. Anything else?”

“No, but Pitch Perfect 2 just came out.”

“Really? Is that the movie with the singers..and they sing songs. Why would I want to see that film? I work out remember? Well, you pulled my leg…I will watch this Pitch Perfect 2 movie..and I probably won’t like it. And I probably will want my money back because you recommended this movie…and do you serve nachos this early in the day?”


“Take my money please.”

That’s how I see it happening in my head. But I couldn’t possibly go through that. So, I Facebook’d a couple that I am really good friends with.

“Are you guys going to watch Pitch Perfect 2? Anna doesn’t want to watch it…so I was hoping I could tag along and watch it with you guys?”

“Sure…does Bug(my 6 year old daughter) want to see it too?”

“Uhh No…it would just be me.”

YAY ME! Well, I mean YAY ME in the manliest way possible.


12 thoughts on “Turning in my man-card. (Episode 534)

  1. I’m all sorts of desperate to see the sequel. Loved the first one and cheered when Anna Kendrick broke out into No Diggity, which sealed the deal for me that it was awesome. Tell me tell me tell me how it was!

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