Everyone has one but me.

A few months ago, I stared at my phone and realized:

“..do I really need this? I mean who really calls me? My mom…my sister…telemarketers who want to ask me what my favorite cereal is…and that random late night call from guys who were given a fake number by a girl at the club or bar.”

So, I let it disconnect. The only person who really needed to contact me was my wife. And she does all that with long paragraphs of text messages or a list of emojis. But then I noticed an empty spot in my pocket. The familiar cling and clang I heard when I walked with a cell phone and a box of altoids in my pocket. It made me realize how much I pulled my cell phone out.

At a restaurant, my cell phone was out immediately to detail what tasty dish I was eating at that moment…

In the bathroom, I actually READ magazines or books…instead of fortifying my Clash of Clans village or helping My sims in their garden.

Whenever I got lost, it was an easy click and google would say, “silly goose, you are going the wrong way…it’s this way.”

But, now when I sit at restaurants with my family…everyone is on their cell phone…and I sit there watching them. I look around and this is the same scene at every table. I can hear random giggles and laughs from funny text messages or videos.

I realized I did need a phone…just for emergencies. So I bought this …phone. I wouldn’t even call it a phone. It has no memory. It takes the worst pictures, every pic that I take looks like a VHS tape scene that is on “pause.”

“Why does every pic you post on Instagram look blurry?..is that supposed to be a joke?”


I get embarrassed to pull it out. I ran into an old friend at my work. And he asked me for my number so we could meet up for coffee. He pulled out his extra mega cool “i can warm up microwave pizza in slow motion” phone…and sent me a text by just having his phone read his mind and scan his eyeballs.

“Did you get my text?”

“Yes…I’m sure I did.”

“Well..check…I want to make sure you got it.”

I pulled my phone out..and I could see the laughter in his eyes.

I see new phone commercials every time I turn on the TV.

“Get the new ‘you better get this phone’ today….you can cut pennies with it, it will help you with your 401k, update your resume, help control your bowel movements, teach you how to do karate, GPS your way to finding leprechauns, and take care of that weird hangnail you have had on your toe for the last month.”

So, yeah I need a phone now. I miss Candy Crush. I miss taking pictures of my food. I miss Clash of Clans. I miss the cling and clang sound of my pocket.


20 thoughts on “Everyone has one but me.

  1. You know, I don’t have a smart phone anymore. I do miss it for the calendar thing and a few other things, but I let my cell disconnect too. We have a house phone (I know, old fashioned) but it was free with our Internet service, so why not?!? My hubby needs his cell phone for the National Guard.. so we are only paying like $27 for cell bill, which is a lot better than $27 x2.

  2. I stopped using a cell phone after I realized that the only person who calls me is my fiancee and just about one other person that texts me when they’re bored.

    • yeah…it was only my wife, sis, or mom texting me lol…i would text my buds, but guys don’t really text back…and they took forever to respond to my random text messages…so no need anymore. lol

  3. I’m on the Consumer Cellular flip line. I miss the smartphone, but I still use the camera and have it connected to my wifi.
    It doesn’t make sense when you have a house phone and no real social life to pay more than needed…

    It made me hate texting, as well haha.

    Wow. Even admitting that made me a little sad with you. 🙂

    • oh my gosh..my camera on my crappy phone is terrible. I used to love taking pictures of stuff…its embarrassing. We don’t really have a home phone either..so it’s pretty tough to reach me without wifi. i love texting..so fast..easy.
      I would text my buds, but they would respond with simple “yes” or “no”…or “lol” messages…and my messages were like paragraphs lol

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