I need khaki cargo pants ASAP.

I am anxious. Only a few days more left…til camp. If you know me, I am not a camper…I am the complete opposite of a camper. I don’t like getting dirty….I hate bugs….I hate sunlight because that means I have to wear sunblock…and that means I will be greasy and pasty white for a few days. I hate wood cabins. But, it’s for a great cause…and my daughter is a part of the cause.

She is at the age for youth camp. And she made it known LAST year.

“Daddy…I am old enough for camp. So EXCITED! Marshmallows…and a fire! BEST EVER!”

I had a whole year to prepare. I watched more Naked and Afraid episodes. Watched Bear Grylls videos….Watched American Ninja Warrior episodes. Yes, I know there are no Ninja Warriors in the woods, but maybe, the forest needs more Ninja Warriors.

And to top it off…I will be a camp counselor. I will be in charge of stuff…that may be trouble. When I am in charge, weird stuff happens. And if you are in charge, you are the person who is to blame. What if a bobcat comes to my cabin and puts toothpaste in all my boxer shorts? Who am I to blame? I am a counselor…I will have a whistle…and I will have a first-aid kit. And I’m sure I will be in charge of sunblock allocation. Yes, I will be a pretty big deal. But, I am missing khaki cargo pants. I need khaki cargo pants ASAP. Because if I am in charge of all those things..I need a ridiculous amount of pockets.

“Rise and shine campers….you know what they say? The early bird gets first in line at the breakfast line…line up for your required sunblock. Remember…no tomfoolery…no shenanigans…no bamboozling…no hootnanny…not on my watch, especially the watch I am wearing now. Because I just bought it for this camping duty…it has coordinates and longitude…and latitude…and the Pythagorean Theorem all locked in and ready to go just in case I need to find a 7/11 to grab a slurpee. Now, let’s do nature. Avoid all bears…especially Yogi Bear, because he steals picnic baskets. Avoid all poison oak and other plants that can hurt you. And most of all, please behave. I have no access to the outside world. No wifi…my dvr is locked and ready to record all my favorite shows…and i miss it already. I miss air conditioning. I miss the fact that I live two minutes away from McDonald’s. I miss my bed. I…miss…playing video games on my phone. There is no reception out here…so I am missing a lot to be with you all. You’re welcome.”

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15 thoughts on “I need khaki cargo pants ASAP.

  1. OMG, Dan… I never laughed so hard. I am on a boring drive this morn in WA surrounded by trees / nature. I read this to my husband. I am very fair skinned and HATE the feel and fragrance of sunblock. To lather everyone up…ugh! Yes pockets are important. Take a JOURNAL and during quiet time, write down things to blog about later (with details) so you don’t forget later. going to camp will provide good blogging material. P.S. don’t forget bug repellent (ugh… worse than sunblock) … you know, just wear a bee keeper uniform and DONE (remember lip balm with SPF. – and spf tips of ears and scalp…I Have burrned both. My ears blistered. Painful!)

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