The white lab coat.
Who doesn’t get nervous when someone comes into a closed room wearing a white lab coat. And whatever they say next isn’t usually good news. It’s not:
“Congratulations, I am here to tell you that you just won a lifetime’s supply of donuts.”
Sounds good? But, if I won that, I would be getting more visits from people in white lab coats with bad news. “Hey, congratulations on your weight gain! We have never seen something like this in our field! We didn’t think you could gain so much weight so fast..but you proved us wrong…wow, here’s a napkin to take that donut glaze off your mouth.”
“Congratulations, you just won the Ryan Gosling/Channing Tatum look-alike contest.”
Again, impossible. First off, I am asian. So, I lose that contest by default.
And on a littler side note, I have a weird habit of not saying ‘no’ when it comes to food. So, you can just imagine my body compared to those guys. I eat stuff like this:
That fear of the “white lab coat” comes at a young age. Your first doctor appointment…which, usually means your first shot. And that started my fear of needles. You never hear someone say, “Whoo…got a shot at the doctor’s office today. I feel so good now. I really needed that. I woke up this morning thinking I needed a needle poked into me today.”
And that is one of the reasons why I don’t have a tattoo, it requires a needle. And a needle means pain. And, I runaway from all pain as much as possible. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think tattoos are cool….and I am always interested in the stories behind tattoos.
“Yeah, I did this for my family.”
“This is for the time someone broke my heart…so I will never forget.”
I don’t have a cool story to go with any tattoo if I had one.
“Uh yeah, this tattoo is a cheese puff. Because I love them.”
Not too impressive, I think.
And that brings up a point, what would my tattoo be if I ever got one? It’s gotta be meaningful. These are my loves…my faith…my family….baseball….video games…and food. What could I possibly get as a tattoo that would capture all that? I know what you are thinking, “Dan, that’s five things..get five tattoos.” And I would say,” That’s five times a needed would have to be poked in me…silly goose.”
And let’s say I got the perfect tattoo that showcases all five things. Where would I put it? I did some research(yes, I do look at other stuff on the net besides write and watch funny cat videos) on the least painful spots on the body to get a tattoo, and most sites say the calf.
If I got that tattoo on my calf, I would want to show it off right? So, that means I would wear jeans less…and wear more shorts. I have like two pairs of shorts. One I could wear…and this pair of hawaiian shorts that I have had forever. Problem is, everyone hates this pair of hawaiian shorts…family…wife….even my own daughter.
“Do you have to wear that?”
“No, not that….wear something else.”
I would have to wear that more…just to show off my fancy faith, family, baseball, video game, food themed tattoo.
So having a tattoo would just be too complicated for me…I’m too scared….too self-conscious…too paranoid…and too hungry.