Nothing good ever comes from Math.

We searched Berkeley for a spot to park. Wifey paid the meter and we stepped out of the car and there it was….

Fall. I could smell it in the air. I cherish that moment whenever it comes. I love the smell of fallen leaves and chimneys. That’s when you know the holidays are coming. A beautiful time filled with family gatherings, food, long lines at the mall, and holiday cartoons.

The departments stores are different now. Holiday decorations…halloween…thanksgiving…and christmas stuff..really?

Yes, and I love it. I love the way my little one gets excited to see racks and racks of halloween costumes….she looks at all the holiday decorations with bright eyes.

“Daddy…we should get this…put it in the house.”

And when we get home, the signs of the holidays show up…halloween costume ideas on our internet browsers….recipes for holiday cookies…it’s obvious wifey was doing research.

As we prepare for this weekend’s halloween festivities, I see how this holiday has changed in little one’s eyes.

No more princess costumes…no Disney.

“What do you want to be, Bug?”

“Raven….from Teen Titans Go!

Not a kid cartoon…and older cartoon.

Another reminder that she is growing up. The shows she watch are for older kids….no more Nickelodeon. No Disney channel. And this phrase came out of her mouth the other day.

“I don’t want that…that’s for little kids.”

“Whoa…whoa…little kids? And you are what?”

“A bigger kid…I need stuff for bigger kids.”

“I don’t know…you look like a little kid to me still, Bug. Let’s check…yup, you only have seven teeth in your mouth…you kinda look like a jack-o-lantern…so not too sure yet.”

“Dad! Stop….”

Even the homework is for bigger kids.

“Daddy….if Brian has 15 bananas….and Linda has 9 apples. And they give two bananas to a friend. How much fruit altogether do they have?”

“Well, in my opinion…that is way too much fruit. Fruit is a bad word in this house…that stuff is way too healthy. If I was Brian I would give MORE bananas…hey, take them all, I don’t want this…and take Linda’s apples too. Can we trade this stuff in for candy or something? Maybe chocolate?”

“Dad…c’mon. Help.”

And one of the ultimate perks of being a parent is slowly being taken away from me. Grabbing candy from your little one’s trick-or-treat bag.

We have taken Bug trick-or-treating since she was tiny. We took her when she was like 5 months old. Guess who ate all her halloween candy? We did. And the year after that? And the year after that? When she turned four, we knew those days were disappearing fast.  And now at 7, it will be almost impossible. I know what you are thinking.

“Dan…you can still take candy from her bag…she wouldn’t know.”

And I would say.

“No, I can’t. You know why? Math….nothing good ever comes from Math.”

And you would say.

“What? What are you talking about? We aren’t even talking about Math…did you have your coffee yet? You are talking crazy.”

And I would say.

“Yes, I did….and let me explain…i was about to explain it…but you went all weird and started asking questions…geez.”

Let’s say I grab a few pieces of candy before work. Bug would find her candy bag from Halloween…look at it….and say this.

“Daddy….that’s weird. I had 7 Snicker bars….now I have 5. That’s two missing. And…I had like 5 bags of Skittles…and now I have 4. That’s one missing.”

And then she would look at me with investigative eyes….and I would only have one thing to say.

“Well, it was probably Brian and Linda from your homework. Remember? How they had all that fruit? They probably got sick of eating all those bananas and apples…and took those Snicker bars…and Skittles bags….yeah, totally them. Wait, is that your Mom calling? Yes, babe? Ok, I am on my way.”

And sneak out of the room like a ninja…leaving snicker and skittle wrappers in my escape.


10 thoughts on “Nothing good ever comes from Math.

  1. totally.

    We told our kids from the very beginning, it’s one pile of candy that we all share. 🙂 (You did it all wrong in the beginning) – that way you don’t have to hide or worry about math. 🙂

    Of you make the rule- all Recess Peanut Butter cups go to mommy.

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