I live in coffee shops on my days off. And a few months ago, I switched to a different coffee shop to spend my days. It is smaller but the wifi is excellent. Coffee and wifi are two essential tools for a freelance writer.
Some people say…”I don’t need coffee…I drink tea.”
Or they say, “I don’t need coffee…I have natural energy…I wake up…and I motivate myself…and my body…I just jump off the bed and boom…look out world…I am here.”
And I say, “Yeah, that’s weird…the whole ‘boom and look out world part.’ I need coffee.”
I consider myself a morning person. I wake up early on the weekends….and enjoy having the whole day to do things.
But, coffee affects me physically…it makes me pee too much. And today, it affected me socially.
I felt the urge to use the restroom. I looked up from my laptop screen and saw an empty coffee shop. I walked to the bathroom for the third time in an hour and opened the door.
The men’s bathroom was a mess. Toilet paper all over the ground…paper towels filled the trash can and fell over the ground next to it. Someone obviously had terrible aim also because the toilet was a mess also. I had to watch wherever I stepped. It was gross. I did not want to use the bathroom at all. I checked my phone….30 minutes til practice. I decided that I would just wait til I got to the school. I washed my hands. I know what you are thinking.
“You washed your hands? You didn’t even use the bathroom…”
And I would say.
“Yes, that place was gross….just being in that room for those two minutes made me feel dirty. So, yes…I washed my hands…I wash my hands a lot…it’s one of my weird habits….and why are you worried about my hands? What if I didn’t wash my hands…and for some weird miracle I ran into you while strolling down the street…and you said, ‘hey…you look familiar…where do I know you from…I feel like I have seen you somewhere…wait, I think I follow your blog…holesinmysocks? Dan right?”
And I would say.
“Yes, that’s me…wow…this is crazy…you read my blog? Thanks! Yes, that’s me…the guy who posts too many pictures of food…and talks about food way too much. How are you?”
And you would say.
“I am good…thanks…”
And I would reach out my hand toward you to shake your hand….and you would shake mine….or I would raise my hand to give you a hi-five…and you would give me a hi-five. And we would talk for a bit…and go on with our days.
You would go home…turn on your laptop…or check wordpress on your phone…read this post and say.
“Whoa….I just met that guy…and he didn’t wash his hands after he left that bathroom…and he shook my hand and gave me a hi-five…gross…darn it, Dan!”
See, so that’s why I wash my hands so much.
Back to my story.
So as I was washing my hand, someone was trying to come into the locked bathroom. And by the way they tried to get in, I could tell it was urgent. And then they said.
And I replied, “Yes? I’m coming out…just washing my hands.”
I finished washing and opened the door and noticed a long line of men waiting to get in the bathroom. I was only in there for like two minutes…and now it seems this coffee shop had the only men’s bathroom in the whole city because it looked like a bus dropped off this gang of men to use the bathroom. The guy coming in the bathroom stopped short in his tracks.
“Whoa…wait…did you do this? This place is filthy…there’s toilet paper everywhere…”
“…that wasn’t me….It was like that when I got in there. That wasn’t me.”
“There was no one here but you…..”
“I know…but I swear…that wasn’t me.”
The guy behind him walked away and brought back a coffee shop worker.
“This restroom is absolutely filthy…and this guy claims he didn’t do it.”
I was mortified.
I had a line of angry men looking at me. The coffee shop worker looked at me….and then looked at the angry men.
“He didn’t do it….we had a lady come in with three little boys….and all three went in and made a mess….the mother apologized and we haven’t got to cleaning it yet.”
The silence was golden.
“See…not guilty. That wasn’t me.”
The angry eyes changed….and I walked past the line of men.
I sat down and thought about what had just happened. I laughed out loud. The coffee shop worker who exonerated me walked towards me.
“Sorry about that sir….that had to be embarrassing. Here…have a coffee and pastry on us.”