You mad, bro?

Anger is a funny emotion. Sometimes it can appear in seconds…and disappear as fast. But, it some cases, it can last years….or even a lifetime. We are all guilty of having grudges…helping anger fester in our hearts for a ridiculous amount of time. And we can hold on to that anger so long that we forget why we were even mad in the first place. But, fate gives us chances. Chances to fix that. Chances to finally let go of the long-lasting anger. And when we decide to give up on that anger, questions may float in our hearts depending on the situation.

“Should I stay mad? Why am I mad in the first place? Is that person mad at me too?”

Now, if someone wronged you…it’s easy to fix. Not because your feelings are not important, but because the person who wronged you is waiting on you….waiting for forgiveness and acceptance. It starts and ends with you. But, if you are the person who wronged someone it is more difficult. You may sit there and become angry because that person is angry with you. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous?

“What? So-and-so is mad at me? Well, I don’t care…I’m mad at them for that one time they did that one thing.”

But, we are all guilty of that.

Now, if you wronged someone and they are angry with you, that is much more difficult. You have no reason to be mad at them…and they have all the anger. That’s where time comes into play. Are they ready to talk? Has their anger consumed them so much that they are blinded? If the anger is fresh, the person may say things they don’t really mean. But, if the anger is tossed aside for too long, if can just become a “norm” in that particular relationship…and will take much more work to fix…or in extreme cases, end the friendship/relationship.

If wrongs were done on both sides…it gets more complicated. You make a mental scoreboard in your head.

“So-and-so did this…so i had to do this….I know what I did was wrong. But, that person also said this and did this.”

And then there is anger by association:

 

“So-and-so is mad at this person. I am mad at that person now too. Because so-and-so is my friend. I have no part in their situation, but I feel I should be angry too. This has nothing to do with me, but I don’t care…I’m mad.”

Stupid…but it happens.

I know what you are thinking.

“Dan, I know all this stuff. I probably experienced this stuff also. Why are writing all this? Did something happen? Is someone mad at you, bro?”

And I would say…

“I know…I’m venting. But, yes someone is mad at me. And you are very kind to notice…you know me so well.

Last week, I was given an opportunity to try an fix anger. Anger that had festered for years, 15 years to be exact. And it was a complicated type of anger. All that stuff about the different kinds of anger I wrote about earlier? Yeah, that was involved in this complicated situation. Them wronging me…I wronging them…and anger by association.(I have no idea if “wronging” is a real word, but it just made sense to me.)

I know what you are thinking.

“Whoa…you said ‘them.’ There’s more than one person? What did you do to make a gaggle of people…a plethora of people…a heap of people…mad at you, bro?”

And I would say…

“Look it’s a long story…and it takes 15 years to explain. And we really don’t have time to go over that…isn’t Christmas like 11 days away? Shouldn’t we be more worried about that? And all the people who you still have to buy presents for?”

And you would say.

“Fine…don’t tell me. And thanks for reminding me that I am not ready for Christmas…thanks a lot Dan.

And I would say.

“Great..now you are mad at me too. I’m sorry.”

Like I said, I was given an opportunity. I was nervous because I didn’t know how “them” would react to me. But, I had to do something. If they were not going to give me peace…at least, I would know I tried..and that would give me peace.

The day came and I saw “them.” And I could see the anger was still in their hearts. But, I wasn’t going to give up. I never knew when I would ever see “them” again, so I had to approach them. Just to show a sign of peace. I didn’t know what to expect, but at least they would know that I was thinking of them.

And “them” did not make it easy. We caught eye contact…and the anger was there. They stood there…and I couldn’t approach them all at the same time. I had to come up with a gameplan, to try to get them one by one. They were united in their anger…and that would definitely overwhelm me. Time passed, and “them” separated.

I saw one by himself. I made my move…I walked towards him…and tried to make it un-obvious(is that even a word?) He saw me walking towards his direction…and slowly turned his back away from me to block me. It was deliberate. But, I simply walked around him…and extended my hand.

“Hey ___, it’s good to see you man.”

He extended his hand…and didn’t say much in return…he shook my hand but his face remained the same.

I walked away. And saw another opportunity with another of “them.”

And the same exact thing happened. This person turned their back away from me…I walked around them…and extended my hand. And they reacted the same.

Two down, one more to go. I knew this one would be tough. Because this person was glaring at me. As if to warn me…”don’t do it…don’t even try.”

And i didn’t. Fate didn’t give me that opportunity. I just felt, it wasn’t time.

You’re probably thinking:

“What? You gave up? What if you never get another opportunity like that?”

And I would say:

“He looked crazy mad still. And two out of three isn’t bad? That’s like 66% right? That’s a good solid ‘D’ on a report card. Ok, having a good solid ‘D’ is still not good. But, before this, it was a 0%”

But, I don’t think it’s over. Fate will happen again…and maybe it will be time then. Maybe one day, he will wake up and get ready for his day. He will pick out an outfit for the day and go through his sock drawer and say this:

“Man, I gotta do laundry…running out of clean socks. All I have left are all the socks with holes in it. Come to think about it, most of my socks are starting to have holes in it…how is this happening?”

He’ll go to work…and sit at his computer. He’ll check his regular social media sites…send some random text messages to his friends…and notice his shoes are untied. He will reach down and tie his shoes..and notice the socks he had to wear today…the ones with holes in them…and he will think:

“Socks…why are my socks starting to have holes in them? I’ll just google it…’holes…in…my…socks…why?'”

And as he scrolls down the possible topics…this might appear.

“holesinmysocks.wordpress.com”

“Oh, hmm…a whole blog dedicated to this mystery…I should check it out…this guy might be going through this holes in my socks calamity also.”

And then, he finds out that it’s not about socks. And something on this site catches his eyes. A blog entry about anger.

Hey, it could happen.

 

 

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16 thoughts on “You mad, bro?

  1. “I know…I’m venting. But, yes someone is mad at me. And you are very kind to notice…you know me so well.
    You do make me laugh. So sorry for the anger that has been leveled against you. You did take a first step toward them and that is good. I find I have to forgive other people when I have been wronged, whether real or imagined, for my sake. I am usually the first to apologize over something even if I don’t think I was in the wrong. I like peace. I’m a middle child. I want peace at almost all costs. I can’t stand to have someone mad at me. But I am learning that sometimes it’s beyond my control. Then I have to ask myself if I’ve done everything in my power to mend the rift, fix the situation, restore the friendship. If I have, then I have to let it go.

    Good post!

    • Life is too short to hold the anger right? I hope that one day, “them” realizes that…if we sit there and really think about it, it’s stupid. There are more important things to worry about. But, I have my peace now…so I can finally let go.

      • I’m glad you have your peace. Much of what we get angry over is stupid if you disect it. It comes down to a few simple things and one of those is loss of control. When we feel we can’t control the situation or our surrounds, circumstances, whatever, we get frustrated and then angry. Pride is another thing. By yielding my control and realizing I don’t have to be in control, I can let go of a lot of things.

  2. There’s that phrase, “people (things) change, yet they remain the same”

    Some people we love unconditionally and take good with bad. However, I severed ties with my father and his side of the family because I never truly had a relationship with him and they weren’t good for me. So I stopped bothering to “fix” and have a normal, healthy relationship with a man that let my stepmom control him and she didn’t want me part of that family. My life is easier because of that. I’m no longer angry because I let it go…let that relationship go. There was no fixing/improving the situation. Not a grudge. Too many years have passed.

    I had a high school friend, in our late 20s- realized she had mental issues, lived in a fantasy world where she made up huge lies by our 30s she been “married”, “had triplets via surroget mother,” fake husband died in car accident) her dad had to know, he never bothered to get her help. She was living with him! When I got married and had kids, I didn’t want her around my family, because I didn’t trust her unbalanced life. I severed ties. She did a lot of things to me over the years, I’m no longer angry, but I no longer have to deal with a situation that always was drama and all about her. I’m not holding a grudge. I truly hope her family got her the help she desperately needs I just don’t want to deal with it.

    I finally figured out in my 30’s, I have a choice to love that person unconditionally (faults and all) and deal w/future issues or if I can’t, it’s okay to go separate ways. I avoid this one family we know from soccer, because they are so competitive and will do anything to get an advantage. They are nice enough people to talk to, but they gave my husband (as a coach) such a hard time about their girls. They were better than everyone else, blah blah The rules don’t apply to them. Ugh. I avoid conversations with that family. If I see them at school, I walk the other way. I can get over the awful things they said to us in the past, but they are those people and will never change… I can’t get over the “future” stuff that I know would be on the horizon with them. So I Avoid, avoid, avoid. So glad our daughters aren’t in the same class this year.

    • I think the wounds are so old that they are now permanent scars to these old friends of mine. It makes me sad because I’ve known “them” since 6th grade. But we took different paths after high school….they partied…went clubbing…bar-hopped…and that wasn’t me. I was more of a “movies and dinner” kinda person. I do miss them though…we had some good times. And when i think about it, I don’t know what I expected from that opportunity…were we just gonna forget everything and be BFFS again? I just wanted things to be a little better than civil. Regarding your friend who likes to lie a lot…we had someone in that group of “them” and he was part of the reason the group broke up lol. I am sorry to hear about what happened with your stepmom…some people are cruel and it is definitely her loss because you are awesome!

      • 🙂 I’m not sadden at all…

        Yes, we do mourn the childhood days. Everyone goes their own path. Some you keep in contact with and others you don’t. Thank goodness for Facebook. Some of my closest girlfriends, we just don’t have anything in common. That’s okay. It worked for us then and now we say happy birthday on Facebook. 🙂

        Maybe you may not want to completely severe ties, but reduce the amount of time you see them. Like not at all.. and just facebook posts?

        I laugh when I see some moms going out for drinks frequently. I’m like what’s that? Where are the kids?

      • I haven’t seen some of “them” in a long time. In fact before last week I didn’t think I was going to see them ever again…but fate changed that. And I feel it isn’t over yet. But FB has done wonders that’s for sure lol

  3. Ha! I am not mad about the Christmas thing! Mostly because we don’t do the Christmas thing. I do a lot of “Thank you for your thought” gifts though. Because a lot of family and friends celebrate it. (mostly on my side. My husband’s family doesn’t celebrate it either, just my side).

    So, you have one less person mad at you bro!

    • Haha! Thanks! Christmas can be a very stressful time…especially financially. There’s always that battle in my head where I have to ask “do I have to get a gift for this person? Probably not because they won’t get me something…” And then you see them and guess what? They got you a gift..and now you feel terrible lol

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