Something disappeared.


I woke up this past Monday and walked through our hallway and toward the kitchen to make my little one’s lunch box. After putting her lunch box in her backpack I stopped to look at my surroundings. Christmas was still in our living room. The tree stood there fully decorated….the stockings still hanging on our fireplace. It made me sad because the holidays disappeared. I thought about it on the drive to work and realized something was missing during the holiday season….my Christmas spirit. There comes a moment when you feel it….I can’t really explain it, but this joy you feel, it’s different. You can feel happiness…or joy…but feeling Christmas spirit is stronger…deeper. Did I become a Bah Humbug this year? A Mr. Grumpy Grumperson?  No, but I let the holiday season slip by. I didn’t sit and enjoy it ….I didn’t relish it.

I know what you are saying.


“What is this? This….Christmas spirit you are talking about? Spirits? Do you believe in ghosts? Or are you talking about spirits like alcohol? Is there a new alcoholic drink called “christmas spirit” that the college kids are drinking? And if so, why are you drinking this Christmas alcohol, Dan? Are you an alcoholic? Do I need to stage an intervention for you?”


And I would say.

“Its complicated, ok? I told you, I can’t explain it. And yes, I do believe in ghosts…you ever notice that it gets harder and harder to find matching socks whenever you leave the house? Did the dryer gobble them up? Nope, ghosts take them…my socks never match. And while we are on the subject of socks….why do socks even need to match? They are hidden under our pants…and tucked away in shoes…no one else is gonna see that your socks don’t match. Friendships haven’t ended because your socks didn’t match. You don’t have a friend who was like, ‘you know I think you are awesome…but your sock game is terrible…they don’t even match…this is over.’ And no I am not an alcoholic…but being in an intervention does sound cool…but I’m only addicted to food sorry. But, if you want to stage an intervention with all my closest friends and family to stop me from eating…you are wasting your time, my friend.”


And you would say.

“I like matching socks, Dan. What are you saying about me? Are you insulting my fashion choices? I like socks that go together with my outfit. What’s wrong if no one sees them? I know, deep down inside that my socks match…even if no one gets to see them. Have you been looking through my sock drawer? That’s extremely personal. And that fight that I had with my BFF about my socks not matching was supposed to be just between you and us…and now you just told everyone…well, not everyone…but now its on the internet…and that will last forever.”


And I would say.

“Ok, look…I am not insulting your fashion or taste in socks. I’m sorry, ok? This argument we are having is going all over the place. Let’s just be friends again ok? I won’t bring up your socks again.”

And you would forgive me….and let me continue writing this post.

As children, Christmas is king. We dream about presents….and how Santa will visit us. We sit on his lap and tell him what we want for Christmas. We count down the days til that day. We leave cookies and milk for him and have sleepless nights waiting for that day to come. You can see Christmas spirit in the eyes of little ones everywhere.

Ok, look…I have to interrupt this post again. Yes, Santa is not real. I know that, and just figured that out 3 years ago. But, isn’t the whole idea of “Santa” a little creepy?

I know what you are saying.

“Oh my gosh, Dan. First you insult my fashion choices…and now you say Santa is creepy? And you found out he wasn’t real only THREE years ago? Aren’t you like 36 years old? So you literally were 33 when you found this out…”

And I would say.

“Look…think about it. On Christmas day….a guy all dressed in red….breaks INTO your house…and doesn’t steal stuff…he actually LEAVES stuff for  you. Three years ago I asked Santa to pay my water bill for me…I even left the water bill right next to the cookies and milk…but he ate the cookies…drank the milk…and left the bill behind. That’s when I knew….now, can I finish? Seriously?”

For adults, Christmas changes for us. Our job turns into making Christmas magical for our little ones. We do our research…figure out what our little one’s heart desires…and make sure they enjoy these holidays. And in that process, we get lost. We get stressed out…we lose sight of how we are feeling inside. Yes, presents are nice…but as adults, we have to try extra hard to feel that spirit. Life gets extra busy during this time. And while we bless our families and friends, realize that others may not be able to enjoy the same things that we do. We can’t lose sight on humanity. There are people hurting…struggling. You can see Christmas spirit in a little one’s eyes….but you can also see hurt and pain in eyes too. You ever talk to someone you have never met before…and accidentally catch eyes with them…and literally see sadness in their eyes. You don’t know them…never had a discussion with them…but you could see pain in their eyes. That breaks my heart. This is a time for family and friends…but it should also be a time to bless others…and build them up. You will get your opportunity to do it…what you do with it is up to you.


17 thoughts on “Something disappeared.

  1. I’m not sure I ever believed in Santa, but I know what you mean. I remember finally realizing that the reason we went to my grandparents house for Christmas eve (just Mom and I) was so that my dad could go and get his kids from his ex-wife, not because we just wanted to spend time with my grandparents.
    Granted those trips are the best Christmas memories I have. (Sledding behind a truck in the dark with your Grandpa is the best- even if it is probably a bad idea to start with and an even worse idea after he finishes the eggnog!)

    • As a parent, its amazing to see what lengths we can go through to preserve the “magic”….and personally it makes me realize what my mom did for us when we were kids…she did her best to make sure we always still believed…and that’s why wifey and I try our hardest to keep santa alive…its been hard, my little one has been asking questions…lol! eggnog has its own kind of “magic” lol

  2. I think as a parent you’re simply exhausted. That does tend to take the magic out of the holidays. Once the kids are grown and on their own, some of that magic returns. I had the best Christmas ever this year simply by hosting brunch and watching my girls and their significant others enjoy themselves – and knowing that my girls are independent, safe, and well loved. There’s nothing better for a parent than realizing that somehow you did manage to do the job right.

    • True….we just don’t have time to really absorb the season! And it takes us months to get back into the normal swing of things…especially financially lol. My little one is still playing with what we got her fro christmas so that is a success lol. Usually she opens it…plays with it for a day and then it disappears in a closet lol

  3. Alot of people I know who were normally in the Christmas ‘spirit’ other years were not this year. A lot had to do with how hard 2015 was on some people like me and my family.. Other things happened in my friends’ lives such as car accidents taking the lives of friends… it was a rough holiday season all the way around.

    • I am sorry to hear that…I lost one of my best friends this year to cancer…and one of my friends committed suicide last december. It is nice to turn the page to 2016…and when I see the crazy stuff that has happened to this world and this country on the news, it makes me realize how lucky we are to just have a roof over our heads!

  4. My socks don’t match. They don’t. They look similar – well today anyway – but I know they are not the same. So non-matching socks are cool. I hear the kids do it on purpose these days! Especially with bright colors. (Maybe it’s teens…)

    Anyway… I haven’t felt the “Christmas Spirit” in years (not including the fact I don’t do Christmas, but that is another discussion entirely). The last time I felt it was when I was little.

    Me and my sister had a tradition that we did up until I moved out: We slept near the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. We would watch holiday movies (like Jingle All the Way – don’t tell me that Arnold Schwarzenegger did NOT make a Christmas classic… what is Christmas without Jingle All the Way???) But it was for fun rather than Christmas Spirit. We made it special, but it had lost that “wide-eyed delight” ages ago.

    There was a point to this… hmmm….

    Anyway, you’re not alone.

    • That movie is a classic! I watched it for the first time a few years ago…and now that I am a parent I totally understand how it feels to chase that one toy that your little one wants. A few years ago, my daughter really wanted a Barbie Cruise ship…we looked all over for it. We finally found it in a Costco like 30 miles away….we drove there..bought it and felt so accomplished lol. And when my little one opened it, she was so happy…she played with it for like 3 days…and it has been collecting dust ever since lol.

  5. I have struggled with Christmas Spirit for a long time. The holidays actually depress me. With our kids grown, the magic has gone out of it. And for a bunch of reasons I won’t go into, I get really down at Christmas time. What makes it harder than feeling like that, is the expectation that you’re supposed to be joyful. I tried harder this year not to let it get to me and I did do better, but I’m still very glad when the holidays are over.

    • And as for socks, they are needed. I had one son who would frequently try to get by without wearing them. Inevitably his shoes would get so raunchy, no one wanted to be near him. Now he’s an adult and has to face those consequences by himself. (or his wife makes him, idk) Right up there without wearing socks is not using a top sheet on the bed. Or for that matter no sheets at all. The end of civilization as we know it.

      • socks are important! and this rainy weather makes me realize it more…cause i have learned the hard way that my favorite pair of shoes has holes in it…so now my socks get soaking wet (should change my blog name to “holesinmyshoes” lol. But at the same time, Im sure wifey hates my socks…because I take them off and leave then anywhere lol. So, now I have a pile of socks lying on the floor of our bedroom lol.

    • I understand how you feel…Christmas changes for us in certain points in our lives….as kids we love it…we dream about it…as adults we cherish it for our kids…we make it magical for them…but after the magic is gone, we struggle to keep it alive….and deal with the debt after the holidays lol.

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